intoxicating
by alivingfantasy
Summary: "Tell me that you still love me." A drunken Toby must deal with the fallout after a devastating secret is exposed. Spoby four-shot. For Jenn.
1. part one: the drink

**a/n: so. i think it's safe to assume that we're all still reeling from the shocking revealation of Toby being part of the a team. personally, i've gone through the shock-denial-acceptance-heartbreak-anger stages, and am currently healing, and attempting to deal with the tragic possibility that our beloved couple may have all been a carefully constructed lie. that being said, i am not giving up on Toby/Spoby, and am still a firm supporter of this flawless pairing, because obviously they're in love and true love conquers all. **

**so that's where this piece comes in. something that most bugged me about the entire reveal (and believe me when i say that a lot of tiny things about it bugged me!) was that Spencer, of course, still doesn't know. so this is my take on her uncovering the truth, and the painful aftermath. however-in this story at least, i promise a happy-ish ending.**

**there are a couple people i quickly wanna thank before beginning this, though. after the finale, i was heartbroken, and a few lovely ladies helped ease the pain and shared my sorrow. thanks to Jenn, Bree, Tiffy, Chrissy, Tracey, and all my other Twitter spobettes for that. also, while planning this, i sought out the advice of two amazing friends, who are fabulous writers as well. Chrissy and Tracey, you will forever be my favorite "gurus"! thank you and love you both! i also need to credit my fabulous chica Bree, Spoby writer extraordinaire, who first gave me the Drunk!Toby prompt and supported me all the way. love you girlie. hope i did it justice! finally, this is dedicated to the super sweet Jenn, who is a passionate and dedicated Spoby shipper. love you, dear, and i hope you like this!**

**i also wanna shamelessly promote-i have created a collab account on here with one of my friends, a fab writer you guys may know as phoenix9648. be sure to check us out when you get the chance; we already have a Spoby oneshot collection in the works :) **

**also-if any of you are interested in participating in a series of missions to save Spoby, be sure to check out fortheluvofspoby DOT tumblr DOT com. credit to the missions goes to Jenn and Bree :) but, be warned-these are SECRET missions, so make sure to keep it on the DL so no producers/writers/crew members get wind of it, okay? thanks so much to anyone who's already involved, and i would love if we can get more spobettes to join in ;) thanks guys! whew! so i'm gonna stop talking now, and get on with the story ;) (btw if anyone wants to talk theories or anything Spoby/PLL-related, just shoot me a pm or a tweet at alivingfantasy. i'd love to hear your thoughts!)**

**(quickly though: this piece is a threeshot, and this part is just introductory; pretty short compared to the next two, which i'm already mapping out (thanks Tracey and Chris!). part two should be up by friday/saturday, at the latest. thanks again, guys! don't forget to review and tell me what you think :))**

**xox, -Ana **

**-:-**

**intoxicate-**

**-:-**

**part one-the drink**

**-:-**

"I don't understand _why_ you're so upset!" Spencer Hastings exploded, her coffee-colored eyes flashing in anger, nostrils flaring as she glared daggers at her equally-irritated boyfriend.

"Why I'm upset?" Toby Cavanaugh retailated venomously. "_Why I'm upset_? Spencer, you barely look me in the eyes anymore!" He gazed steadily at the defiant brunette before him, taking a step toward her, handsome face flushed. Spencer stepped backward into the airy kitchenette of Toby's loft above the Rear Window Brew Coffeeshop. She was only a few feet away, but she might as well have been on a different continent, what with all the distance between them. "Spencer, you're keeping things from me. I know you; I can tell."

Spencer spluttered indignantly, "You can _tell, _huh? Sounds pretty ambiguous, considering we hardly ever _see _each other anymore. Hell, this is the first time I'm seeing you in two weeks!"

Toby's square jaw dropped, his expression hardening into pure disbelief. The only reason he hadn't been able to spend as much time with Spencer was because he'd been hard at work, struggling to make enough money to pay his monthly fees for the loft, not to mention food expenses and other necessities. Well, that and his secret meetings with-no. He shook that unpleasant thought from his mind. This was not about those sadistic bastards; it was about him and Spencer. "Well, I'm sorry I actually have to work to survive. We can't all have daddies with wallets bigger than our mansions to make our problems go away, you know."

Spencer's eyes widened, then narrowed into dangerous slits. "If that's really how you feel, then why the _hell _are we here right now, Toby? Why?"

Toby looked at her. Her slightly-mussed dark wavelets, her flushed heart-shaped face, her flashing dark eyes...even angry, she was gorgeous. And he had to admit, it kind of turned him on. But then his anger overcame his lust, and he shook his head. "I don't know, okay? What do you want me to tell you?!" The last part came out much louder than he'd intended, and he felt a pang as he saw his girlfriend flinch. A pang because here he was, screaming at her for hiding things from him, when he was sneaking around betraying her in the worst possible way. He hated it. He hated the secret powwows, the lying, the schemes, the evildoings. He hated what he was doing, what he had to do, but it was the only way. The only way to save the girl he was in love with.

The girl who was now looking at him like she'd never seen him before in her life.

The couple stared at each other for a few seconds, before Spencer abruptly stood, pulling on her Yves St. Laurent jacket and tossing her caramel leather Hermes Kelly bag over her shoulder. "You really don't have to tell me anything." She murmured, suddenly just a ghost of her usually fiery self. She met Toby's eyes for a long moment, conveying her hurt and frustration into the gaze. "You've said enough."

And then she tugged on the door and was gone in a cloud of apple shampoo and mint, the door swinging shut behind her.

Toby's hard expression softened and then crumpled entirely as he sank down onto the futon in the corner of the tiny living room area, pressing his face into his hands. Hot tears sluiced down his cheeks. She was gone. He'd screwed up. He'd hurt her, hurt the one person in his disasterous, hellhole of a life that he truly loved. And she'd left.

His phone went off, the pre-programmed ringtone of Ed Sheeran's "The A-Team" indicating exactly who was calling. He ignored the call, wiping his face inpatiently. Three seconds later, his phone pinged-a text. His caller obviously wasn't giving up.

_Playing around with Princess Hastings? We have a job for you._

He felt his jaw clench in anger, and before he even knew what he was doing, he'd tossed the phone against the wall, shattering it into a million tiny pieces. _Not unlike his heart._ Mona, that psychotic bitch. He'd had to deal with her and the other A Team members calling her-his Spencer, his beautiful, perfect girlfriend-all sorts of obscene things, and he was forced to go along with it. The only way to keep Spencer from harm was to fool Mona and her minions into believing that he was slumming around with Spencer, where, in reality, it was the exact opposite. He loved her more than anything, and hearing those demented sociopaths seethe over and plot to hurt his gorgeous girlfriend made him want to punch them each until he was spent or they were dead, whichever came first. But, for the moment, he was at their mercy.

Which meant she was, too.

He sighed in disgust-disgust at them, disgust at himself-and walked over to the mini-fridge Spencer had purchased him over the summer, after much begging, coaxing, and _please, Toby?_s. In the end, he'd conceeded, and he was glad. There was no way he'd have been able to afford one of these models on his meager salary. Toby sighed, pulling open the fridge, and as he scanned its contents, he thought about his fight with Spencer, and how their entire relationship was hanging by the thinnest thread. But how it was so, so worth it. It was worth every lie, every text, every secret.

He loved her. He loved her more than even he himself knew how to express. But did she know? Did Spencer know how much he loved her; all the sacrifices he'd made for her?

_Earlier that evening_

_"Hey, handsome," Spencer cooed as Toby opened the door to his loft for her. The couple hadn't been able to spend quality time together for a few weeks, and both were thrilled to finally spend a relaxing, carefree evening cuddling at Toby's abode. _

_"Hey," he smiled happily as she stood up on tiptoe to kiss him. What was supposed to be a light peck quickly escalated into a long, heated kiss. Spencer backed Toby a few feet into the loft, kicking the door shut behind her with the heel of her boot. Sinking down onto the futon, the couple kept kissing, completely lost in each other. Finally, out of breath, they broke away, their foreheads touching, Toby's fingers tangled through Spencer's dark curls. _

_"Wow," Toby laughed breathlessly. "What was that for?"_

_She smiled slightly, shaking her head. "I just...I missed you, that's all." _

_Toby felt a grin wash over his face, his hand tenderly cupping Spencer's face. "I missed you too, Spence." She buried her face in his shoulder, letting out a tiny, content sigh._

_For a moment, Spencer and Toby relished just being together, intertwined on his couch, where the drama and pain couldn't touch them. _

_And then that moment shattered._

Beep, beep. _Spencer rolled her eyes in annoyance as her phone sounded. "It's probably my mom," she told Toby, shooting him an apologetic smile as she untangled herself from him. Toby nodded, watching as she opened the text. Watching as her pretty face darkened, the remnants of her smile fading slowly before vanishing completely, replaced by a hard, worried reaction. _

_"Who is it?" Toby asked in concern, swinging his legs off the side of the couch and walking over to Spencer. She immediately snapped her phone shut, angling it away from her boyfriend. "Nobody," she replied defensively._

_Toby was confused. He would understand her reaction if it was an 'A' text, but the team didn't have anything planned for that evening. At least not that he knew of. But what else would warrant that kind of reaction from Spencer?_

_"Spencer...it has to be _someone_," Toby pointed out. "What is it?"_

_She shook her head. "I told you, it's nothing. No one, okay? Can we just drop it?" She attempted to skirt around Toby, but he stopped her._

_"No, we can't. Spencer, I'm worried about you okay? When you're hiding things from me-"_

_"Is that it? Do you not trust me?" Spencer snapped, obviously starting to get annoyed._

_"I trust you, it's just-"_

_"No, you don't. If you trusted me, this inquisition wouldn't be happening!"_

Toby shook his head to clear it. _Screw that. _He went to close the door to the fridge, pausing as he caught sight of a translucent bottle of sloshing amber liquid. Scotch. To be more precise, the cheap Scotch that a coworker had gleefully tossed him one night in late July. "A housewarming gift, son," he'd cackled. "Or maybe you can use it to get that pretty little girl of yours into bed. That _is _the best type of housewarming," he added wistfully. Toby had blushed and muttered a thanks, but, not being much of a drinker, had stowed the Scotch away.

Until now, that was.

He carefully picked up the bottle in his calloused carpenter's hands, turning it over and over idly. The deep brown liquid looked eerily similar to the color of the deep eyes he was trying so hard to forget. The eyes he knew he could never forget, because he loved them too much.

He loved Spencer too much.

He knew he shouldn't. He knew getting drunk wasn't going to solve anything. But he wanted to forget. Forget pain and agony and fear. He _needed _to forget.

_What the hell?, _he thought, uncorking the bottle, releasing the thick, sweet scent of the alcohol into the air. Just the smell made him dizzy. But this was the only way to forget, if only for a moment.

After all, he was just a boy in love who had gone to great, ugly ends to preserve it; a boy who'd lost everything until he'd found it, and was now forced to give it up.

He deserved a drink.

Two hours later, the bottle was almost empty. A very dazed, inebriated Toby sat (although 'lounged' was probably more accurate), one leg dangling off the arm of the futon, twirling the bottlecap in his fingers. The exhilerating rush-along with the disorienting haze-the alcohol brought was a refreshing change from the feelings of guilt and worry and self-hatred that came with working for the A Team. Of hurting her. Spencer. _His_ Spencer.

_Spencer._

His eyes squeezed shut, his alcohol-slowed brain finally realizing what his heart had the moment Spencer had left: he needed her. Right at that moment. He needed to hold her in his arms, and breathe in her intoxicating scent and kiss her and tell her how much she meant to him. Hands trembling, he groped blindly for the wireless phone on his counter, waiting for his vision to un-double before dialing her familiar number.

"Hello?" she sounded like she'd been crying. Or sleeping. _Right. It's past midnight._

"Spencer, come over," he managed.

"What?"

"Please. I-I need you to come..."

There was a momentary pause, and then Spencer exhaled one word.

"Okay." _Click._

Hanging up as well and tossing the phone carelessly aside, Toby let out a relieved sigh, slumping back onto the futon.

Maybe there was a chance that he could fix this mess, after all.

But, as the amber liquid still lingering at the bottom of the bottle silently taunted him, maybe, just maybe, he was setting himself up for a bigger mess.

**-:-**


	2. part two: the revelation

**a/n: hey guys! before i get on with part two, i would just like to thank everyone who reviewed/followed/favorited this story so far. honestly, it means so much to me that people enjoy reading my writing and your kind words seriously make my day. thanks to my girls Tracey, Chrissy, Bree, and Jenn for all their support and encouragement. i'm a serious flake, but they kept with it and waited patiently till i finally uploaded this. love you all! also, thanks to Becky, poisonnwine, PrettyLittleCapitolSwiftie33 , megan-violet14, Guest, spencergaystings, cottoncandyscream, literarylesbian37, pinkcrazyness, SpobyFanForevz, . , and soshesays for their reviews. you guys are amazing :) **

**and-another quick thank you and virtual hug to my soul sister, Tracey, who not only agreed to write a collab story with me (read as: be hassled by me 24/7), but who inspired me to actually post this. love you to death, Tracebaby! #TranaFTW ;) and i must not forget Bree, who is a phenomenal Spobette writer, but yet somehow enjoys reading my crappy stuff. hope drunk!Toby is up to par, Breezy. feel free to virtual-smack me if it isn't ;) also, huge thank you to my Chrissy, aka guru extraordinaire, who is the Aria to my Spencer, and who is always leaving me reviews full of undeserved praise that make me bawl. hope you like, chica!**

**and finally-Jenn. i hope you enjoy this, because you deserve it. thank you for your friendship and dedication to the Spoby ship. xox.**

**so, okay-this part ends on a bit of a cliffy. scratch that, it ends on THE cliffy. most of you can probably guess what that means... **

**hope you all enjoy-drunk!Toby was very interesting to write :) **

**xox, -Ana**

**-:-**

**part two-the revelation**

Twenty minutes later, Spencer knocked cautiously to the door of Toby's loft. She had no idea why she had come back; their argument had been explosive and ugly and she was surprised to get Toby's pleading phone call. Surprised...and relieved.

After storming out of the loft almost three hours before, she'd driven home, let herself in through the side door, clambered up the stairs, changed into Toby's anchor T-shirt...and then burst into wracking sobs. Still crying, she'd hoisted herself onto the bed, squeezing her burning eyes shut, and turned on her iPod, all those inescapable memories flashing through her mind, a backdrop to Andrew Belle's "In My Veins":

_"I'm going with Spencer."_

_"It was kinda fun to kick your ass at Scrabble."_

_"If you ever get the urge to run away again, call me first. Okay?"_

_"If you need anything tonight, I'll be there for you."_

_"I had to see you."_

_"I love you so much."_

_"I can only think of one right now."_

_"For you I won't sleep until it's done."_

_"Hmmm, I'd like both."_

_"What's a nice way to say someone's obsessive?"_

_"Spencer...it's never gonna happen."_

_"If we had a real baby, what would it look like?"_

_"I'm not walking away."_

_"So you came here to tell me you can't be here?"_

_"Pretending not to love you was the hardest thing I've ever done."_

_"I don't want it back...you look better in it than I do."_

_"Maybe I can help..."_

_"I'll just...sit next to you and I'll watch you type. I'll be very quiet..."_

_"You're the one that needs protection!"_

_"I know who you are. You never have to say you're sorry."_

_"I love you."_

By the end of the song, Spencer's tear ducts had vaguely resembled Niagara Falls. She _hated _fighting with Toby. She hated lying to him, hated that no matter what, there was almost no chance of them both being completely happy.

It hurt. It hurt more than anything.

And then, the phone call had come, and here she was.

It was one in the morning, and she was standing, tearful, at her boyfriend's door, even though she was beyond upset with him, just because he'd asked her to come. _"I-I need you to come back..." _

It was moments like these that she realized what a powerful hold Toby Cavanaugh had over her heart, moments like these that she realized all over again how much she loved him.

_She loved him oh-so much. So much it destroyed them both._

"Toby?" She knocked again, growing slightly impatient. "Toby, are you in there?" She tried the handle; the door slid open with ease.

"Toby?" Spencer called again, stepping into the dimly-lit loft. "Toby?"

"Spen'er?" Toby rolled over on the futon to face his girlfriend, a bright grin lighting up his face. "That you?"

"Yeah, it's me," Spencer put down her bag on the coffee table, taking in Toby's deshievled appearance. "Toby, w-what happened?"

"You left me," Toby said sadly, sliding off the futon and almost tripping over himself as he made his way to her. "But s'okay. You're back. And you're not gon' leave me again, right?"

"Um, right." Spencer swallowed, her eyes zoning in on the mostly-empty bottle of Scotch sitting on the table. "Toby, are-are you drunk?"

"Noooo." Toby shook his head vhemnently. "I'm not drunk."

"Yeah, well, that's not a bottle of pixie dust you got there." Spencer pointed to the offending Scotch.

Toby shook his head again. "Just because I had a little of that..._stuff_...that doesn't make me drink...drank...drunk."

Spencer reached for his hand. "Toby-"

"For drunk's sake, Spencer, I'm not God!"

She couldn't help it-she burst out laughing. Though the situation was far from funny, she had to admit: drunk Toby was pretty damn adorable.

Toby's smile returned when he heard her giggle, and he moved closer, enveloping her in a tight hug. Spencer hugged back, cloing her eyes. She could smell the alcohol on his breath, combined with the woodsy scent of his cologne. Toby's hand came up to cradle her head, stroking her thick, dark curls. "Iloveyou," he slurred, pulling them both down onto the futon.

"I love you, too," she replied, kissing his cheek. "Even if you are acting like a complete idiot right now."

Toby brushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "Spencer?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

She lifted her head off of his shoulder, tilting her face so that she was looking into his alcohol-glazed blue eyes. "Sorry about what? You have nothing to be sorry about."

Toby's face clouded, a troubled expression washing over his features. "Yeah, I do. I have _so much _to be sorry about."

Spencer stroked his knuckle with her thumb, concerned. "Like what?"

Toby ignored the question, instead pressing a soft kiss to her mouth. Forgetting about Toby's admission, Spencer allowed herself to get lost in the moment, kissing him back with equal passion. After a few minutes, the couple breathlessly broke away, their foreheads touching, both of them smiling hugely.

"You still mad at me?" Toby whispered, caressing Spencer's face. She smiled; Toby was as affectionate when he was drunk as he was when he was sober.

"No. I could never stay mad at you," she murmured, kissing his forehead. "I love you, remember?"

Toby swallowed. "Sometimes I fo'get. That you love me, I mean."

Spencer was confused. Didn't Toby know the depth of her feelings for him. "How come?"

Toby evaded her question, leaning back against the futon, cupping her cheek so that their faces were millimeters apart.

"Spencer...sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you," he cooed, trailing a hand aimlessly through her silken curls. "You're so pretty and smart, and I'm...just this deadbeat carpenter."

"You're NOT just a deadbeat carpenter," she insisted firmly, although doubting that he would merit her words in his state (she doubted he even knew what he was saying himself, to be honest). "You're Toby. You're strong and handsome and hardworking and-"

"And you deserve somebody better. Somebody who can give you a happy life someday. Somebody with money and a good job, like that doctor guy..."

"You mean Wren?!" she asked incredulously, her stomach dropping. Neither she nor Toby had ever even mentioned Wren since the night of Mona's arrest. Since the night they'd sworn any secrets between them were of the past.

_That promise had been broken a million times over._

"Yeahhhh..." he drawled out. "But I love you, I love you a lot. You know that, right? Even if I do bad things that make it seem like I don't-"

"What bad things?" she interrupted his tirade, pressing her palms to his cheeks.

Toby shook his head remorsefully. "Bad things like wear that black hoodie when I meet up with them."

Suddenly the floor seemed to tilt up toward her. Bile rose in her mouth, and she could hear her pulse thudding in her ears; her heartbeat accelerate.

_No. No, there's no way..._

"Spencer, I...I'm 'A'."

And her house of cards finally tumbled around her.

**-:-**

**dun dun dun! what will Spencer do? will Toby be able to prove his love? why is Toby on the a team? all these questions and more will be answered in the third and final part-so stay tuned! and leave me a review to tell me if i nailed it or failed it! thanks guys! xox**


	3. part three: the fallout

**wow. so i have SERIOUSLY abandoned this story. i mean. no updates since SEPTEMBER? welps. i'm so sorry, guys! i promise promise-next update will be much faster. yup, you heard right. this is no longer a threeshot as i originally said, but a fourshot. so you'll have to stick with me a teensy bit longer for the full story ;) **

**before i do continue, however, can i just say that i love you all? YOUR REVIEWS. they are all so touching, and flattering, and amazing, and I can't with you guys :') all of your comments and support on here and twitter are seriously overwhelmingly sweet. you all make my life, and i wish i could personally hug each and every single one of you. thank you thank you thank you times infinity (and beyond).**

**as always, shoutouts to my girls: Bree, Tracey, Emma, Tiffy, Jenn, Chrissy, and Brittany. lurve you all.**

**okay. so. has everyone recovered from tuesday's ep? because i really haven't. spencer finding out...ouchhhh :( i still have total faith in my Spoby babies tho, and i am desperately hoping and praying that everything will be okay in the end, despite how hopeless and bleak things look now. in the meantime, MY version of spence finding out in this story WILL have a happy ending-guaranteed :) by the end of this ch you all might hate me a little bit, but i promise-all will be well by the finale ch. **

**and one more quick note: a few of the the lines spence says when she finds out toby's secret are taken from 3x16, so i do not own the rights to those. i also do not own Pretty Little Liars. (if i did, let's just say the spoby sitch would be MUCH different. cough.)**

**alright. i've talked enough. on with the story! **

**xoxo,**

**-Ana**

**p.s. like i said, your reviews mean the world. keep 'em coming! thanks, guys. :)**

-:-

**-part three: the fallout-**

Spencer and Toby stared mutely at each other, his confession filling the vortex of silence between them, robbing the couple of thought, of speech, of knowing what to feel, or what to do.

Then, suddenly, she slapped him, dead across the face, a stinging blow that knocked the breath out of him as he recoiled in his hazy state, one hand shooting up to sheild his already bruising cheek.

"Spencer-"

"How could you?" she demanded. "How could you do this to me? To us?"

"I-" But it was no use. He was drunk out of his mind. Hell, even sober he wouldn't have had the words to explain to the girl before him-_the girl he loved_-why he was doing what he was doing.

When he didn't speak further, Spencer shook her head. "No. No." She said over and over, tears spilling over her thick, mascara-soaked lashes and onto her cheeks. "No. Y-you're drunk; you don't know what you're talking about. This isn't real. This can't be real." She eyed him desperately, searching for confirmation.

"Spencer. It's true." Shame coursed through his veins.

"Prove it to me," she pleaded.

Wordlessly, he reached behind the futon, pulling out the infamous black hoodie and handing it to his trembling girlfriend.

"No," she said, her eyes locked on the ID card pinned to the front of the hoodie. The ID card from the Radley Sanitarium, with his picture and the name E. LAMB embossed on it. "No." Spencer took a step back from him, fear and disbelief washing over her beautiful face. The world around her began to spin and collapse and fall to pieces. He took a step closer to her, gripping her arm, desperate, even in his inebriated daze, to make her understand.

"I never wanted you to find out this way-"

"_This way?" _The brunette repeated with an incredulous laugh. "This way or at all?"

"Spencer, I don't want to hurt you," he begged, "Just please list-"

"Well, if you didn't want to hurt me, it's too late for that." Spencer faced him, looking him dead in the eyes, deep mocha colliding with ocean blue. "This whole time," she breathed, "you were lying to me. I told you I loved you, I fought for you, _I gave you my goddamn virginity, _and you lied. You've been hurting me. This whole time." She swallowed, a sob escaping her.

Toby watched as she began to sob brokenly, feeling his heart shatter into a billion tiny fragments of despair.

"Please," she begged. "Please just tell me that this isn't real. Please, tell me there's more to the story. That there's something I don't know. _Please. _Please, Toby."

He swallowed hard, fighting back tears. "I...I can't."

Spencer looked up at him, a single silver tear falling down her ivory cheek. "Then that's it." She murmured, exhaling sharply. "We're nothing. We never were anything real. Were we?"

She was giving him a chance. A chance to explain. To prove his love. To change everything back to the way it was.

_But after tonight, nothing could be the same._

"Spencer," he whispered pathetically.

She looked at him for a moment, her tears falling like a waterfall, as if gauging how prince charmings could turn into toads, lambs into wolves, knights into monsters. Then she reached up, hesitently, gingerly touching his cheek where she'd slapped him.

"Tell me you still love me." Her voice was a barely-there whisper, her touch sending shivers of warmth over his ice-cold body.

If there was anything in the brutal, terrible world that he was absolutely sure of, that he knew without a shadow of a doubt, it was this. "I love you." he placed his hand over hers atop his cheek. "I love you, Spencer."

For a split second, she looked hopeful. Then her features hardened and she yanked her hand away. "That's not enough anymore."

Then, for the second time that night, she turned on her heel and headed to the door. With a single parting glance, she left the apartment, leaving Toby, leaving hope, leaving purity, leaving happiness, leaving the only love she'd ever known, behind.

-:-

Somehow, Spencer ended up in a corner booth at the Applerose Grille, which had recently opened 24 hours a day, with no idea whatsoever how she'd made it there. Her head was spinning, her heart shattered. Every breath she released was like a fresh, burning reminder. _Toby is A. Toby is A. Toby is A. _

"Spensuh?"

Looking up, she met the eyes of one Wren Kingston, who was peering at her with concern, a cup of chai tea in his hand.

"Wren." She said, forcing a smile. "Funny running into you here. How are you doing?"

"Fine," Wren replied, sliding into the booth across from her, a warm smile crinkling at the corner of his eyes. Maybe it was the fact that her heart had just been broken beyond repair. Maybe it was the close proximity between them. Maybe it was just that old habits died hard. Whatever the cause, Spencer felt a familiar tingle of attraction. "How are you?"

"Fine," she grit out.

"No, you're not," he argued gently. "What happened?" His warmth sent fresh tears filling her bloodshot eyes.

Spencer shook her head, wiping away a stray drop of moisture. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"If something happened, of course it matters. No one should ever be able to hurt you," he responded chivalrously.

She looked up at him. Wren was charming. Kind. Educated. The perfect rebound. The perfect way to get over her heartbreak.

_She wanted to forget Toby. But how do you simply forget your one true love?_

"Can you just...sit here? With me?"

Maybe she was treading on cracking ice. Walking on the thinnest tightrope, dancing around a burning building. But maybe, there was still hope for her yet.

-:-

***ducks tomatoes you guys are throwing at me* i know i know i know. i'm sorry :/ i am in no way a fan of wren/wrencer, but getting him and spencer back is essential for where i'm taking this story. i promise promise promise-spoby will have their happy ending in the next installment :) have faith in me, please. thank you xoxo.**

**love you guys! let me know your thoughts in a review, okay? ;)**


	4. part four: the truth

**hi again, guys! I'm finally back, and as you all know, this is the final installment of this story, meaning that there will be a resolution set in motion in this chapter. i promised you a happy(ish) ending when i first began 'intoxicating', and i hope i've delivered on that :) at first, it may seem a little precarious in spobyland (which is obviously only natural, given the circumstances), but by the end...it's fluffy fluffy fluff.**

**but before i get there: THAT. FINALE. OH. MY. SPOBY. it was absolutely the most flawless scene EVER and just asdkjlhfgsfjkiol because THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH and although i could never write a resolution even half as amazingly as Troian and Keegan portrayed Spoby's in 3x24, i'll do my very best :')**

**AND SEASON FOUR. so far? such a thrill ride. especially Spencer and Toby. how they're working together to dig into Toby's past asdfg;lopl;kiofhj and tomorrow in Ravenswood asfgjkl;lk**

**anyways, i just want to thank all of my readers and reviewers once again for being their fabulous, sweet, amazing (and patient) selves. your support of my writing is what encourages me to post on here, and i am forever grateful to you all :') thank you so much.**

**as always, love to my Spobettes on twitter as well. you know who you all are ;) love you more than froyo xo**

**speaking of the Spobettes, thank you to Chrissy for allowing me to use her for a cameo appearance in this ch. love you, doll x3 hope you enjoy Aria's interaction with you ;)**

**so hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and enjoyed this piece overall :) can't wait to share more with you soon! thanks again, everyone!**

**xoxo,**

**-Ana**

**p.s. a quick note: Spencer, in this story, doesn't end up at Radley or pretend to join the A Team, nor is Toby's "body" found. just to clarify :) **

**-:-**

**-part four: the truth-**

**-:- **

Spencer surveyed her reflection in the mirror for the hundredth time, critically eyeing her flawlessly-applied makeup. She adjusted a stray mahogany curl back into her coiffed chignon and anxiously smoothed a wrinkle from the skirt of her ivory silk halter dress.

A date. She was going on a date.

With Wren.

It had been a month since that night at Toby's loft, and while Wren wasn't exactly her _boyfriend _per se, she had agreed to meet him at a fancy (read as: pretentious) French restaurant on the outskirts of Rosewood.

Maybe she was just doing it to prove that Toby meant nothing to her anymore. Which was a complete act. Toby was the first thing she thought of when she opened her eyes after a fitful sleep each morning; the last thing she thought of before closing her eyes to the nightmares each night. It seemed to her that every little thing she saw, heard, smelled, touched, or tasted conjured up an image of him.

And, of course, there were the tangible reminders. The rocking chair that she hadn't had the heart to destroy; pictures that they'd taken together over the course of that perfect, carefree summer; his well-worn blue shirt.

_Where is he? _she asked herself for the millionth time. And, just like every other time before, she had no answer.

As hurt and broken and angry and disappointed she was, she still loved him.

Maybe that was her biggest mistake. Her inability to erase her feelings for him.

Sighing, Spencer picked up her clutch purse and coat. No. She was done thinking about the boy who had broken her heart, stamped on it, then tossed the remnants into a blazing inferno.

She had a date to meet.

-:-

Aria Montgomery sat at a corner table in the Rear Window Brew coffeeshop, flipping through the pages of her well-worn and dog-eared copy of _The Great Gatsby. _

Caught up in the star-crossed romance of Gatsby and Daisy, Aria hardly noticed when a waitress tapped her arm.

"Sorry for interrupting," the redhead apologized. Aria recognized her from all the time she spent at the Brew and smiled at her.

"My fault. When I'm reading, it's like I'm in a different world. Currently West Egg, New York, the summer of 1922."

"Ah. _Gatsby." _The waitress, who Aria had identified as Christine, sighed. "It's been ages since I've read that. It's one of my favorites. Anyway, I was wondering if I could get you something? More coffee?"

"Coffee sounds great. And one of those chocolate chip scones?" Aria reached into her hulking leather bag for her wallet.

"Coming right up!" With another smile, Christine headed off. Aria went back to her book, smiling briefly when the waitress returned a few minutes later with her coffee and a scone on a delicate porcelain plate.

"Thanks, Christine."

"Have a good day," the waitress returned, heading off.

For a few moments more, Aria delved into the book. Reading had always been an escape for her; an escape into someone else's reality. For just a small moment, she could be a lovestruck beauty in the Jazz Age and not a terrified teenager whose taboo relationship was falling apart and whose friends were in constant peril.

She felt a hand suddenly clamp down on her arm. Lowering the book, she turned...

...and looked right into the blue eyes of Toby Cavanaugh.

The coffee slipped from her hand, splashing to the floor. Neither her nor Toby made a move to clean up the spill.

"Toby? What the _hell_ are you doing here?" Aria hissed, hazel eyes wide with suppressed fear.

"I need to talk to you," Toby responded.

"About what, exactly? Where you get the black hoodie dry-cleaned? Or how you broke my best friend's heart, let alone lied to her for a year?"

Toby cringed. "She told you?"

"Of course she told me. I'm her best friend. Em and Hanna know too, but you didn't answer my question.

"Both," he admitted, sitting down at the seat across from Aria. "I came to talk to you about 'A' and about Spencer."

"Why me?"

"Because you're the only one who can convince Spence to understand."

Aria considered. She could tell him to leave her alone. She could run and call the police.

Or...she could sit here, listen to what the bastard had to say, and get some real answers for Spencer.

"Okay, but I ask the questions. Got that?"

Toby smiled slightly. "Got it."

"Good. When did you join the A Team?"

"While I was at that job in Bucks County, Mona recruited me."

Aria swallowed, hard. So he hadn't been playing Spencer from the beginning. "Why you?"

Toby sighed. "I had an axe to grind with Alison. With the four of you."

Aria nodded. "Fine. Where did you go after the night Spencer found out?"

"I stayed at a motel not to far from here."

"Why did you come back?"

"To talk to you. To explain it."

Aria inhaled sharply. "Explain what? You're on the A Team. Game over." **(*this is a play on a line Aria said in 3x24, so i don't technically own it.)**

Toby shook his head. "That's the thing. I'm not...I don't really want to be."

Aria felt like she'd just been slapped. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying...I only joined to protect Spencer. So I could work from the inside and keep her safe. I didn't tell her because once I joined, Mona threatened me. If I backed out, both Spencer and I would be in danger."

Aria hesitated before asking her next question. "Do you love her?"

Toby sighed again, and Aria saw tears well up in those haunted blue eyes. "I do. Aria, I love her so, so much. Could you tell her that? That I always loved her, that I always will love her?"

Aria frowned. If Toby was telling the truth, and she was pretty sure he was, that meant that it was okay. They could set a trap for A using Toby as a double agent, and he and Spencer could reconcile. The thought cheered her so much that she almost forgot that there was a slight complication.

A complication with a British accent.

_But wait._

"Why don't you tell her that yourself?"

-:-

Spencer was frustrated.

She'd gotten stuck in traffic halfway to the fancy restaurant, then sped the rest of the way to make up for it. She'd made it at seven on the dot, which was their reservation time.

Wren wasn't there.

She'd waited another half hour before calling him. Straight to voice mail.

Twenty minutes later, he texted her. _So sorry. I might be a little late._

_No kidding_, Spencer fumed. Now they'd missed their reservation. She couldn't help but think that Toby would never leave her waiting. He would put all else aside to spend the evening with her.

_Damn it, Spencer, stop comparing them._

Just then, her phone beeped. Thinking it was Wren, she glanced at the caller ID, which read _Aria._

"Hello?"

"Hey, Spence. Are you already on your date?" Was it her imagination, or did Aria sound...happier?

"Yeah. Well, not exactly. Why? Is everything okay?"

"Can you pick me up from the Brew on your way back from the restaurant?"

"Um. Sure. Why?"

Aria hesitated. "I'll tell you when you get here. Okay, thanks, Spence. Bye."

"Wait. Wren never showed up." Spencer blurted.

There was a pause. "Oh. I'm so sorry, Spencer. Can I...can I do something?"

"Like what?"

"Get Hanna to shove a stiletto heel up his ass?"

Spencer laughed in spite of herself. "Cute thought. No, it's okay. I'm okay. I'm leaving now to come get you."

"Okay. See you soon. And Spence?"

"Yeah?"

"You deserve someone better."

As she hung up, Spencer blinked back tears. She'd once thought she had the best.

That had turned out to be a lie.

She texted Wren back, _Something came up. Don't bother._

Then she left the restaurant, only beating the torrent of sobs by a fraction of a second.

-:-

Aria was waiting outside the coffeeshop when Spencer arrived, makeup freshly reapplied and significantly calmer. _Nothing like a good cry_, she thought dryly. "Hey," Aria said tentatively as she slid into the passenger seat.

"Hey," Spencer responded. "So...what is the destination of the Hastings Express tonight, miss?"

Aria smiled. "You know those hills that overlook the town?"

Spencer could've sworn she felt every breath leave her body. Because yes, she knew those hills. She had been there several times, had picnicked there, had shared kisses there...with Toby.

"Yeah, I know them," she managed over the heartbreak, the pain that rippled through her chest.

"Can you take me there? I just wanted to take some pictures," Aria rattled off quickly, seeing the perplexed look on her friend's face. "They're really pretty during sunset."

"Okay," Spencer agreed, fighting the urge to lay her head against the steering wheel and burst into tears yet again. "Sure. Let's go."

-:-

Toby had never been more nervous in his life.

As he waited by the hills that loomed over the seemingly-pristine jewel that was Rosewood, Pennsylvania, the spot he'd arranged with Aria as the venue for his attempt to win Spencer back, he thought about the girl he was in love with.

He thought about her big brown eyes, how they sparkled when she laughed. Her voice, husky and melodic when she said his name. Her skin, soft and supple, like silk under his touch. Her smile, which seemed to light up the entire world.

God. He didn't deserve her. He never had. But he loved her so desperately. That was why he had done the things he'd done. For her.

Taking a deep breath, he waited.

Waited for Spencer, and prayed for their happy ending.

-:-

Spencer parked the car at the spot Aria directed her to, and the two friends climbed out of the car.

Suddenly, Spencer realized something.

"Where's your camera?"

The smile Aria had been wearing faded into a nervous grimace. "About that..."

"Aria." Spencer's voice was dangerously calm. "What are you up to?"

"Um. Well. I'm not..._we're _not...here to take pictures."

"Okay," Spencer shifted her weight impatiently. "Then what the hell _are_ we here for?"

Aria blew out a sigh. "Come on out," she called into the trees.

And Spencer's heart skipped a beat, then beat too fast, as a figure came into the clearing. A figure with big blue eyes that she'd gotten lost in, chestnut hair she'd ran her fingers through, a strong jawline she'd melted over, full lips she'd kissed.

"Toby," she breathed.

And, somehow, she felt lighter.

-:-

Spencer hardly noticed when Aria backed carefully to her car, got in, and drove off to leave her and Toby alone. She hardly noticed that Toby was, in fact, wearing a black hoodie. She hardly felt the bitter wind that whistled through the trees, raising goosebumps on her bare legs. All she really knew and felt in that moment was the rage and sorrow and fear and confusion and longing as she looked at the only boy she'd ever loved.

"Spencer," he said finally. Just Spencer. Just her name.

"I don't want to see you," she managed, her voice wavering as her body trembled. "I don't want to talk to you. There's nothing left to say."

"Spencer," he reached for her hand, causing her to jerk away. "Spence...just give me a chance to explain."

"Explain what? You betrayed me, Toby. You hurt me, and you hurt my friends, and you lied. What else do you have to say to me?" she whirled away from him, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes.

"That I love you."

She slowly turned back to face him, and the tears she saw brimming in his eyes, the pure regret on his handsome face, produced another crack in her already destructed heart.

"Why should I believe that?" she asked quietly, taking a step toward him.

He swallowed. "Spencer. Whatever I've lied about, whatever mistakes I've made, I always meant it, with everything that I am, when I told you I loved you. And I still mean it now. I understand, if you've moved on, if you don't care about me anymore, but...you need to know. I love you."

A tear slipped silently down her cheek, and he reached up to brush it away with this thumb, lingering there for a moment.

And then he blurted it all out. How Mona had recruited him into joining the A Team by blackmailing him; the deal he'd made with the devil; how he'd done all of it to keep her safe.

"So please," he pleaded after the explanation was complete. "Please, don't hate me. Just say that you don't hate me."

Spencer peered into those tearful baby blue orbs. "I don't hate you." she murmured. "God knows I've tried. But you...you're already a part of my heart, Toby. So I can't. I could never."

She hesitated a moment before continuing. "So all along...you were just trying to protect me?"

He nodded. "What we had was real, Spence. It always was." **(*another 3x24 line i'm sure you all remember. don't own it. just using it for my purposes here.) **"Do you believe me?" he gazed down at her hopefully, those beautiful eyes still filled with so much hurt, so much pain.

And, suddenly, she couldn't take it anymore.

She reached up, framing his face with her hands, and kissed him, slowly, deeply, passionately. His arm twined around her waist, his hand cradling her head as he kissed her back.

It might have been minutes. Hours. Days. But when they finally pulled back, Spencer was smiling, an unfamiliar yet beautiful feeling, even as fresh tears-of joy, not sorrow-sluiced down her cheeks.

"I love you, Toby." she half-sobbed, half-laughed, burrowing into his arms. He felt the hole that had been in his heart for the past month recede, as warm happiness bubbled within him at her words.

"I love you, too. I'm so, so sorry." He pressed his face into her hair, inhaling her scent.

"Shhh." she kissed his shoulder. "Just hold me."

So he did. And for awhile, they put 'A', put tragedy, put loss, put horror behind them.

They focused, instead, on their love.

**_fin._**

**_-:-_**

**reviews are nice. hint hint ;) **


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